I’m kind of stressed.
Life feels tense, there is a lot going on all at the same time and I feel like it’s about to culminate into hopefully a non-explosive event. We’re picking up the keys to our new house today, and moving tomorrow. I’m stressed about that, because I feel somewhat helpless. My body does NOT respond well to being up and down and around for very long at all. We did some packing last night and it about killed me and I don’t even feel like we did that much. So while part of me is glad that I don’t really have to do much tomorrow (supposedly) it’s hard to give up total control and just sit on your ass while a bunch of guys do the work. It makes me feel kind of like a jerk. But unfortunately that’s how it’s going to have to be.
I have a fear of going into labor before we’re ready, the other night I was having a bunch of braxton-hicks contractions and then the baby positioned herself in a way that was so painful I couldn’t hardly walk. Or breathe. Fortunately she moved. But I am having contractions pretty often lately and the reality is setting in that it’s going to happen soon, which is great! But there is too much other stuff happening at the same time and it’s stressing me out.
I also just found out that my hubby’s work, where he has been interning for almost the past year, and recently they made him salaried (at intern pay) is making him an offer but only as a 6-month contract. And the salary is absolutely insulting. Like. 50% or less of what market dictates. Like, it starts with a 3. No programmers anywhere make that shitty of a salary. So basically this means that in May he’s out of a job. BUT I am not toooo worried as his bosses are both pissed about this development and that they can’t hire him permanently, and really pissed they couldn’t get more money for him, and will help him find a job elsewhere. There is even one at my company that I think he’d be a good fit for. So surely, just like other opportunities that come and go or seem shitty at the time, like when he didn’t get the job at Microsoft, and then he didn’t get the one at Surreal. Both of those were complete total bummers at the time but if it hadn’t been for that he wouldn’t have gotten the job he has now (and loves, and is unfortunately being stupid now). The good news is he has good experience from this internship and shouldn’t have trouble finding a new job. But I think because I’m about to have a baby and my nest is totally disrupted finding out about this is now just another thing that contributes to the overall uncertainty in life. I just want to feel taken care of and yet here I am facing the prospect of being the sole breadwinner for a while longer. But I guess I just am going to have to trust that it’s all going to work out, just like it already has. There must be a better opportunity out there for him which is why this change is happening. But as much as I like to think of myself as not resistant to change, change is hard.
Then my car broke down this morning. He was driving it, but it still doesn’t matter. I had the exact problem fixed like 6 months ago so it’s a little irritating to have it happen again. I am pretty sure last time it was fixed it cost $589 which … is not money that I really want to shell out right now, ya know? But I will have to wait til next week to find out for sure. And maybe since this was just recently fixed… I should get some kind of credit or something, I mean I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to break again this quickly.
I feel like I have to take life one day at a time right now and it’s weird. Like if I can just make it through today without going into labor, that’ll be great. If I can just make it through tomorrow and not be in total excruciating pain, that’ll be awesome. And then Sunday so we can get unpacked, that’ll be great. Because one of these days I am going to have contractions that don’t stop. And I think the rest of the world around me is going to come to a halt and I’m not going to care, so I just hope that whatever else is going on in orbit around me is going to be ok because it’s going to have to be.
